Honourable Chairman, Vice Captain and Secretary:

I write this report lying wounded and scarred from a battle in a far off flat land where the folk speak in a simple 'burred tongue'. A tale of valiance and courage I put on record so that others may know the sacrifice and standards to maintain once the battle cry of "BE THE BALL" rings once more over the Red Rose homeland.

Our plan to seek the Holy Grail was to travel in a variety of chariots, each carrying faithful blades rich from victorious encounters. We approached unseen from spurious directions - gathering at the chosen site at a well set hour. We prepared well - scouring the land for hidden dangers and making note of hazards. That eve' we feasted well on cuisine fair travelled from the East, with beverage a plenty. One of our number sampling a full flagon of ruby coloured porter sourced in Jacobs fair waters. This action being appreciated by the troops - providing much hilarity and a fair gain in moral.

On the day of battle I can report that our troops were gathered early - at the latrines - and waited eagerly amongst the other armies (who it was noted had also prepared in similar fashion). 'Twas heartening to see many sporting colours of like garment with pride and uplifted head.

On first meeting with all the Captains mention was made by the host as to the apparent lack of many of our renowned gladiators. He was taken aback when informed our ranks were plenty and filled with bravery and skill. But skulduggery was clearly wrote across his face and in his smile.

Our lot saw us drawn against the valiant men of York and true to form twas seen they had brought extra for the battle. They were dispatched early - in fact 'white - washed' with all our troops bringing honour back to the resting place. Over the mid-day feasting much talk was heard of blades performing like magic wands in the hands of Merlin. All except one that is - David the faithful servant, who talked of woeful performance and sought to redeem himself in the afternoons skirmish - following seeking confirmation of yardage markers with the resident professional.

The afternoon brought us head to head with the host army. We again ventured forth with firm intent and determination to put them to the sword. Fair exchanges ensued and long into the afternoon we toiled. We saw that many we were fighting had been blessed with much local knowledge and great fortitude in finding the wayward ball and good lie. Many was the cry of 'fore' as we struggled manfully against Thors' mightiest wind. Come the end of the day twas seen that on fair and true account we had taken more strokes than our opponents in three of the contests - thus losing a valiantly fought match.

Special mention in this dispatch goeth to 'soldiers at arms' Phil and Chris who took their opponents to a third extra hole before succumbing to a well taken birdie - superb effort.

At the evening feast twas seen the two earlier defeated armies had left licking their wounds most sorely. It must be recorded that even though we suffered defeat a genuine wish of good fortune was passed to the Norfolk Captain in their next encounters - though gritted were my teeth.

I can report that all our troops returned from battle with pride and honour
- and hopefully no extra penalty points from the multitudinous speed traps set along our way.

Many thanks to one and all - ever proud to be your Captain.......

Tim Parker - Golf section Captain